Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
