We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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