We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize