was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
