Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
