bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
