So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I seem to have left my pride at pride
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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