I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
