My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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