3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
