I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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