And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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