if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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