I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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