either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
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wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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