I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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