How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
