im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
