literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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