Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I love you. Go after that dick
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
