Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
