I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
