She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
