Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I touched a dick in church today
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
