hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
