Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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