Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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