OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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