Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
