I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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