i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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