Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
