Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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