I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
