Small penises have feelings too.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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