yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
