What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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