I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
