I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
