i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
