Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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