I'm going to jail i love you
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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