Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
