shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
