I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
