Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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