marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Randomize
