The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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