you guys were way drunker than both of me
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We left an ass print on the piano.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Come on in and take your pants off
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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