your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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