I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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