i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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