I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
