It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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