well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
