he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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