Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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