Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So squirting runs in the family.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
