I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
