Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
zippers are such a cool invention
I am midnight drunk by noon
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
