Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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