Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
