My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
