the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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