Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
