the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
