There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
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well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
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I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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