I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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