i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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