you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You know, be my cock's hype man.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
