i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize