i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
