there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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